im drinking this country out of the recession.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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