real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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