the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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