Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
