i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
