my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
