i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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