She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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