He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
