I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
