I faked an abortion last night.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Actions speak louder than pants.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
