All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
