She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize