McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
