I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
