If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
