either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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