You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
