Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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