Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
