Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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