There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
