i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize