Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
