??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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