She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
