so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
