maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
