Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
