Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
