Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
