I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
