Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize