Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Randomize
