hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
