wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
