i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
