I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My dick has a subreddit
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
