the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
