He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
