hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
