I just saw a hot homeless man
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
