Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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