I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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