So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
