There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
