# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
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Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
