I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
