The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
