he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
