To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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