Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
