After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
