god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
should my penis look like a turkey
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
