Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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