ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
