You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
