My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
