i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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