so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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