I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
