I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
