I'm gonna have a badass scar
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
