i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
