what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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