u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
someone owes me an orgasm
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
