Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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