you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
