I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
