Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
