I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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