Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
