At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
