Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
