Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
