I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
