Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
